Memories of a Disrupted Flow of Energy (chapter 5)
5: Cold and empty
Where did it go? It’s vanished again. I really don’t have the patience for this kind of game any longer. I can’t stand it when it does that. But if I leave it alone for a while it will probably come back out. It always does. So, I venture back down to the living room.
The living room is dark and menacing. Cold and empty. I can’t see it, but I know that in the corner the TV’s staring at me. I’ve always had an animosity towards that thing. And I know that the feeling is mutual. Even now, in complete darkness, can I sense its disgusting neon glare. I fall down into the sofa and try to force the ugly presence out of my head. I know it’s futile, but I had to give it a try.
I fumble in the dark for the remote, and turn on the TV. It comes to life in a flash of colours. Red, blue, green, purple, red, black, violet, green, yellow, indigo, white, orange, purple, pink. I can’t seem to remember which is which anymore, but it doesn’t really matter. Or does it? I know there is an answer to that question somewhere, but I can’t be bothered to go find it. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I don’t think it’s supposed to be like this. I wonder what went wrong…
There is nothing on…
Just a blur…
Everything has seemed to fade into a blur lately. Something has gone wrong there too.
Well, now.
If I concentrate very hard on the colours, then maybe the will yield into something. Something meaningful…
No…
It doesn’t work.
Where did it go? It’s vanished again. I really don’t have the patience for this kind of game any longer. I can’t stand it when it does that. But if I leave it alone for a while it will probably come back out. It always does. So, I venture back down to the living room.
The living room is dark and menacing. Cold and empty. I can’t see it, but I know that in the corner the TV’s staring at me. I’ve always had an animosity towards that thing. And I know that the feeling is mutual. Even now, in complete darkness, can I sense its disgusting neon glare. I fall down into the sofa and try to force the ugly presence out of my head. I know it’s futile, but I had to give it a try.
I fumble in the dark for the remote, and turn on the TV. It comes to life in a flash of colours. Red, blue, green, purple, red, black, violet, green, yellow, indigo, white, orange, purple, pink. I can’t seem to remember which is which anymore, but it doesn’t really matter. Or does it? I know there is an answer to that question somewhere, but I can’t be bothered to go find it. Nothing seems to matter anymore. I don’t think it’s supposed to be like this. I wonder what went wrong…
There is nothing on…
Just a blur…
Everything has seemed to fade into a blur lately. Something has gone wrong there too.
Well, now.
If I concentrate very hard on the colours, then maybe the will yield into something. Something meaningful…
No…
It doesn’t work.
Memories of a Disrupted Flow of Energy (chapter 2)
2: Ich gebe die Präparate in den Briefkasten.
The story continues in whichever direction it chooses. There is no editorial hand presiding over it. I could not have controlled it if I wanted to. Spiralling softly down the side. Forever out of control.
I don’t know where it comes from. I’ve never seen it arrive. But I know that it’s still there. It will never depart. Once conjured, it can never be undone. Hardly an uplifting thought. But still, the only thought left to me at this moment.
Nobody knows I’m here. To be on the safe side, I don’t even know where ‘here’ is. I guess the most reasonable thing to do would be to go somewhere else.
The story continues in whichever direction it chooses. There is no editorial hand presiding over it. I could not have controlled it if I wanted to. Spiralling softly down the side. Forever out of control.
I don’t know where it comes from. I’ve never seen it arrive. But I know that it’s still there. It will never depart. Once conjured, it can never be undone. Hardly an uplifting thought. But still, the only thought left to me at this moment.
Nobody knows I’m here. To be on the safe side, I don’t even know where ‘here’ is. I guess the most reasonable thing to do would be to go somewhere else.
Memories of a Disrupted Flow of Energy (chapter 8)
8: This must not be seen as a quantitative opposition, or as a mythological structure.
This whole chapter is written between the lines.
This whole chapter is written between the lines.
Memories of a Disrupted Flow of Energy (chapter 15)
15: Phasing the mirror
I notice that the TV’s on again. Fuck! Didn’t I just turn that thing off? I search around me for the remote, but can’t find it anywhere. I try shouting at it a couple of times, but there is not even the slightest reaction. O.K. then… I try to focus on the pictures being sent into the room by the ugly black box.
After a couple of seconds I give up. It’s just an endless blur of shifting colours, overlapping, immersing into one another. Has there ever been anything else? Somewhere in the back of my mind a voice tries to tell me there has, but I ignore it. “Ignore it, and it will eventually go away.” Right?
I look around me again, for the remote. Find a pen and throw it at the TV. It bounces off the screen. Nothing happens. Fuck it! I close my eyes, lay back and fall asleep.
The TV’s still on when I wake up. Still with the same endless blur of indistinguishable colours. Damn that thing! Damn it straight to hell! I get up, and noticing that my balance is a bit off key, I fall forward over the table and hit my head on something hard.
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